monkeys and marbles

Archive for the ‘welcome to the monkey house’ Category

bedtime for the boys started out pretty normal tonight. diapers changed, pajamas on, and teeth brushed, we went into Logan’s room to put him to bed first. as usual, Zander helped us sing “rock-a-bye Logan”, and then yelled “bounce!” as daddy plopped Logan in the crib. i said “sweet dreams, sleep well, see you in the morning!”, blew kisses from the doorway, and closed his door. then it was off to Zander’s room.

that’s when the bedtime routine too a sharp left.

i was giving Zander the usual hugs and kisses before putting him to bed when he looked me in the eye with a quizzical look

Zander: mommy…do you have a penis?

my jaw dropped to the floor. i looked towards Carlos to see his jaw was right down there with mine.

me: [stiffleing a giggle] no, i don’t have a penis. only boys have penises.

Zander: does daddy have a penis?

daddy: [grinning mischievously] yup…daddy has a big penis.

Zander: does mommy have a big penis?

me: no…mommies don’t have penises. only boys have a penis. you have a penis, Logan has a penis and daddy has a penis. but girls don’t have penises. they have vaginas.

Zander: [very serious about learning the truth] oh.

where that came from, i have no idea. what i can tell you is that i was so not expecting that.

seriously…where do they get this stuff?

i swear, Logan is a wobbly-walking accident waiting to happen. sometimes hubby and i wonder how he survives the day. i know toddlers tend to have no fear…but he not only has not one teensy-tiny bit of fear, he laughs at fear…and common sense. he goes head first into everything…even if it’s a pile of pointy wooden blocks. doesn’t matter.

he takes the same no-fear, no-forethought attitude to every aspect of his day. whether it’s meal time, bath time or time for a diaper change. it’s the latter that we are currently battling.

lately, Logan has taken a liking to shoving both his hands down the back of his diaper. he’ll walk around the house like that. he’ll stand with his pudgy little hands crammed down his diaper while watching TV (not that my kids watch much TV at all…i swear!). he’ll sit on the floor and play with one hand while having the other hand stuck between his cheeks. and then he’ll rub his eyes. lovely.

the other day i was sitting on the couch talking to my mom on the phone while the boys were happily playing. Logan came up to me and started rubbing his hand on my pant leg. i look down to see his hand covered in poop. which meant that my pants were covered in poop. and his shirt. and his pants. and his back. and both hands. it was even in his belly button. (still trying to figure that one out since there wasn’t any poop anywhere else on his belly.) he had put his hands down the back of his diaper at a most unfortunate time, and made a party of it. again, oh-so-lovely.

then there’s the actual act of changing his diaper. if he’s pooped, you can guarantee that he will try to get his hands on it. and then, inevitably, he will stick his fingers in his eyes.

it’s like a compulsion. his hands must be dirty, covered in filth-muck before he can rub his eyes. it’s the same at dinner…he’ll wait till his hands are covered in bits of corn or pasta sauce before rubbing his eyes. but as much of a pain in the ass it is to decrust his eyes after each meal, what we’re really worried about is the dreaded Conjunctivitis.

Zander had Pink Eye when he was a baby, but we didn’t have to worry about another child. but now….it’s so contagious, and with both boys running around touching each other’s faces, Zander wiping tears from Logan’s face when he’s crying, etc., it would just be a matter of time before they both had it. i can see it now…my boys looking up at me with those gorgeous, big blue eyes….surrounded by whites that have turned an angry pink. joy.

i guess we just have to face facts. Logan is a ticking time bomb…for Pink Eye, among many, many other things. welcome to the monkey house.

hey, have you seen cate?
she hasn’t blogged in ages
where the hell’d she go?

she used to be here
it’s like she done dropped off the
face of the planet!

i’m here. and i’m sorry i left the blogosphere without a word to anyone. but i’ve been in my own personal packing/unpacking/moving hell. seriously…whose idea was it to move anyway? oh ya…it was mine.

anyhoo….

i’m in my new house. it’s small, but beautiful. the layout makes daily life with the boys much easier. still settling in, but we’re enjoying it.

moving was tougher than i thought it would be. lots of thoughts and emotions cropped up that i kinda half-expected didn’t expect, and which took their toll on me…leading to my disappearance. and the logistics of the move itself were mind-boggling. but that’s another super-long post.

i’d like to keep my re-entry light-hearted, so i’ll refrain from sharing the depressing details for a few days. for now, i’m just glad to be back.

i missed you all….did you miss me? (lookin’ for some love here…hint hint! 😉 )

packing up the house
an endless sea of cardboard
will it ever end?

been packing for weeks
never be able to tell
haven’t made a dent

surpised at what’s found
where did all this crap come from?
do we need it all?

less than a month now
will packing be done in time?
really not so sure

wow…this packing thing is crazy! we’ll pack 10 huge boxes of crap treasured items…and it still doesn’t look any different. like we haven’t packed anything!

my rec room in the basement is filling up with boxes of everything and bags of clothes, yet the top two floors look like we haven’t touched them. i feel like it will never be done.

we are currently scheduled to move on February 23rd. that’s 29 days from now. 4 weeks from tomorrow. we have 4 weekends until the move weekend.

oh…we’re so screwed.

Haiku Friday

as if he had hacked into my email and read the message where i told JJ that i would post this morning’s breakfast conversation of it was blog-worthy, Zander was in rare form this morning!

this is the conversation i had with Zander while sitting at the dining room table eating breakfast:

Zander: what dat?

me: what’s what?

Zander: in da kitchen! [pointing wildly towards the doorway to the next room]

me: i don’t know…what is it?

Zander: a cake!

me: no, i don’t think that’s a cake!

Zander: it’s a shirt!

me: [seeing the cardigan that i had taken off and placed on the kitchen table] that’s mommy’s sweater.

Zander: it’s a shirt…and pants…and socks! for daddy!

me: it is?

Zander: what dat noise?

me: what noise?

Zander: i hear dat noise again!

me: what noise is that?

Zander: uh-oh! someone in trouble!

me: someone’s in trouble?

Zander: daddy…daddy in trouble!

me: no…daddy’s fine

Zander: daddy in trouble! where daddy?

me: daddy’s at work.

Zander: oh no! i better help him!

me: why do you need to help daddy?

Zander: i like toast!

me: ya…toast is good isn’t it? and it’s good for you. it helps you grow up big and strong.

Zander: [nodding in agreement] mmm…tasty!

me: yup…toast sure is tasty!

Zander: dis cheese is wet!

me: [examining the cheese] no, the cheese isn’t wet.

Zander: i don’t like dis cheese.

me: [trying to figure out how to explain that marble cheese is the same as cheddar] yes you do. this is just like orange cheese, but they coloured some of it white to make it look funny. see?

Zander: no. i want orange cheese.

me: we don’t have any orange cheese…only marble cheese. it tastes the same as orange cheese. why don’t you try it?

Zander: where are my engines? [referring to the plethora of Thomas steam engines he got for Christmas]

me: they’re in the box over there. on the bottom of the bookcase.

Zander: look at ALL my engines!

me: ya…you have a lot of engines, don’t you?

Zander: better get a track!

me: you want to build a track for your engines? i’ll help you build a big track after breakfast. but you have to finish eating first.

Zander: uh-oh…what dat noise?

me: that’s an airplane flying over the house.

Zander: ya! airplane! where she going? [everyone and everything is “she” to Zander]

me: i don’t know. where do you think the airplane is going?

Zander: she going to da airport!

me: yup! the airplane is going to the airport.

Zander: dis cheese is wet!

….

phew….the conversation didn’t end there, but my brain is too tired to keep going.

snotface

Posted on: January 23, 2008

both the boys have problems with stuffy noses. their noses are clogged with “boogies” all the time. thankfully, they’ve gotten used to the constant wiping, the use of the snot-sucker, and mom picking their noses all day long.

Zander learned how to blow his nose at a fairly young age. by the time he was about 18 months old, we could hold a tissue to his nose and ask him to blow, and he’d blow like a pro…which made our job a lot easier. now, at 2.5, he’ll even say “i need a tissue please!”.

and then there is Logan. oh, Logan. Logan has super-chronic nose stuffage and, unlike his brother, he can’t blow his nose…into a tissue, that is.

he has now learned to blow his nose….into his hand or onto his arm/sleeve. he lets ‘er rip, and blows boogielicious gunk all over his hand and arm. and then…and this is my favourite part….he wipes his filth-muck covered hand and arm all over his face and through his hair. he inevitably gets a boogie or two in his eye, his cheeks are slimed, and his hair is stiff and sticky from snot.

and thus begins our job of de-sliming him. at least he gets it out of his nose. plus…he’s pretty cute, right? i mean, how can you not forgive this adorable snotface?

Logan

when i was looking through my archives for something to post for Scrolling Saturday, i saw this post and new it was the one. it’s the perfect post to follow yesterday’s haiku about how serious my blog has been lately. enjoy!

*** the following post was originally published on July 12th, 2007. ***

After all of the doom and gloom posts of late, what with all the shit that’s been going on here, I thought it was time for some much needed comic relief…and my son Zander was more than happy to oblige.

Allow me to set the scene. It was bath time last night. Carlos had already run the bath, and everything was ready. As usual, we brought both of the boys upstairs into Zander’s room to strip them down for their bath. Zander was stripped down first. Then it was Logan’s turn. That’s when our noses were hit with something so foul…and that foulness was Logan’s diaper.

Carlos: Aw, man! Logan! How can someone so cute smell so bad?

Logan: A ba da….pfpfpfpfpfpfp (I’m not sure how to translate this, but as far as I can tell it means something like “Ha! That’s what you get for feeding me turkey stew for dinner, old man!”)

Carlos: [cough] [weeze] [cough] Maybe we should put a diaper on Zander until Logan is ready for the bath…??? [cough] This might take a while to clean up…..[choke]

Me: He should be okay….Zander…do you have to go pee?

Zander: No!

Me: Are you sure?

Zander: No pee pee….

Me: Do you want to go on the potty?

Zander: Pott’! No no pee pee….

Me: Okay….but tell mommy if you have to pee on the potty.

Carlos: I can hardly breathe…this is so nasty! Yak!

Me: Do you need help?

Carlos: No…I got it…

Me: Good…’cause I didn’t really want to help you anyway! [smirk]

Carlos: Ummm…..honey? What’s that sound?

Me: (I turn around to find the source of said sound) Why that’s your son peeing into the heating vent, dear!

Zander: Pee! Pee! I pee pee!

Me: Yes, Zander…you peed…all over the floor and in the vent…

Zander: I wet!

Me: Yes, Zander…you’re wet…and so is the floor….and the heating ducts….

Carlos: Here’s a receiving blanket…use this….(he throws it over to me)

I start wiping it up….

Zander: (he takes a step back to watch me clean up his mess….and starts to pee again) Pee pee!

Me: (laughing hysterically) Yes, Zander….you’re peeing….

Zander: (nodding in agreement) I PEE!

We all had a good laugh. We needed that…

I am so thankful that there are wood floors in his room, and that a warm bath was waiting for them just a few feet down the hallway!