monkeys and marbles

Archive for the ‘the monkey called Logan’ Category

the magic of corn
such a strange phenomenon
such a small veggie

no matter how much
we chew chew chew when we eat
it reappears whole

sorry if that’s tmi, but seriously…whaddup with that???

the other day we had corn with our dinner. the next morning i was changing Logan’s diaper on the floor in the living room. as is more often than not, his diaper was loaded with danger full of poop. and there it was…the tell-tale sign of the previous night’s dinner…completely reassembled as if never ingested.

that’s when Zander walked up and asked if Logan had pooped. (yes…he wants to see his brother’s poop all the time, as well has his own…that’s a weird post for another day!) he stood there staring at it as if Logan had been hiding a green, three-headed alien in his diaper.

then he raised his head, his big, blue eyes wide with wonder, and asked “mommy…why does Logan have corn in his diaper?”.

what do you say? how do you explain to a three year old that, for some unknown reason, corn has the magical ability to make it past your chompers and through your entire digestive system with barely a scratch, and then mystically reassemble itself upon its exit? how?

i told him “when we eat food, it goes down to our tummy, and then comes out as poop. so there’s corn in Logan’s diaper because we ate it for dinner last night, and he pooped it out.”. he looked at me like i had finally lost it. kid…i lost it a long time ago…

so i thought about it…how do i explain this to him in terms that he will understand. EUREKA! Zander is addicted to a Canadian show called Mighty Machines. it’s a cute show with footage of trucks, boats, what-have-you that have annoying-as-hell cute little voices explaining what they do. his current favourite is the one about recycling with the crusher, the compactor, etc.

i put on my best straight face and said “well, when you eat food, it goes down your throat like a conveyor belt to your tummy. your tummy is like a compactor and smooshes all the food up, and then it comes out as poop.” (note that i decided to skip the whole intestinal tract/bowl thing…i mean, he’s three!)

his face brightened as he said “oh..ya!”.

so now if you ask him where poop comes from, he will happily tell you a colourful story full of machinery and gadgets.

unfortunately, he never got his answer as to why whole corn was in Logan’s diaper. as soon as i learn the secret behind the magic of corn, i’ll let him know.

Haiku Friday

i swear, Logan is a wobbly-walking accident waiting to happen. sometimes hubby and i wonder how he survives the day. i know toddlers tend to have no fear…but he not only has not one teensy-tiny bit of fear, he laughs at fear…and common sense. he goes head first into everything…even if it’s a pile of pointy wooden blocks. doesn’t matter.

he takes the same no-fear, no-forethought attitude to every aspect of his day. whether it’s meal time, bath time or time for a diaper change. it’s the latter that we are currently battling.

lately, Logan has taken a liking to shoving both his hands down the back of his diaper. he’ll walk around the house like that. he’ll stand with his pudgy little hands crammed down his diaper while watching TV (not that my kids watch much TV at all…i swear!). he’ll sit on the floor and play with one hand while having the other hand stuck between his cheeks. and then he’ll rub his eyes. lovely.

the other day i was sitting on the couch talking to my mom on the phone while the boys were happily playing. Logan came up to me and started rubbing his hand on my pant leg. i look down to see his hand covered in poop. which meant that my pants were covered in poop. and his shirt. and his pants. and his back. and both hands. it was even in his belly button. (still trying to figure that one out since there wasn’t any poop anywhere else on his belly.) he had put his hands down the back of his diaper at a most unfortunate time, and made a party of it. again, oh-so-lovely.

then there’s the actual act of changing his diaper. if he’s pooped, you can guarantee that he will try to get his hands on it. and then, inevitably, he will stick his fingers in his eyes.

it’s like a compulsion. his hands must be dirty, covered in filth-muck before he can rub his eyes. it’s the same at dinner…he’ll wait till his hands are covered in bits of corn or pasta sauce before rubbing his eyes. but as much of a pain in the ass it is to decrust his eyes after each meal, what we’re really worried about is the dreaded Conjunctivitis.

Zander had Pink Eye when he was a baby, but we didn’t have to worry about another child. but now….it’s so contagious, and with both boys running around touching each other’s faces, Zander wiping tears from Logan’s face when he’s crying, etc., it would just be a matter of time before they both had it. i can see it now…my boys looking up at me with those gorgeous, big blue eyes….surrounded by whites that have turned an angry pink. joy.

i guess we just have to face facts. Logan is a ticking time bomb…for Pink Eye, among many, many other things. welcome to the monkey house.

snotface

Posted on: January 23, 2008

both the boys have problems with stuffy noses. their noses are clogged with “boogies” all the time. thankfully, they’ve gotten used to the constant wiping, the use of the snot-sucker, and mom picking their noses all day long.

Zander learned how to blow his nose at a fairly young age. by the time he was about 18 months old, we could hold a tissue to his nose and ask him to blow, and he’d blow like a pro…which made our job a lot easier. now, at 2.5, he’ll even say “i need a tissue please!”.

and then there is Logan. oh, Logan. Logan has super-chronic nose stuffage and, unlike his brother, he can’t blow his nose…into a tissue, that is.

he has now learned to blow his nose….into his hand or onto his arm/sleeve. he lets ‘er rip, and blows boogielicious gunk all over his hand and arm. and then…and this is my favourite part….he wipes his filth-muck covered hand and arm all over his face and through his hair. he inevitably gets a boogie or two in his eye, his cheeks are slimed, and his hair is stiff and sticky from snot.

and thus begins our job of de-sliming him. at least he gets it out of his nose. plus…he’s pretty cute, right? i mean, how can you not forgive this adorable snotface?

Logan

when i was looking through my archives for something to post for Scrolling Saturday, i saw this post and new it was the one. it’s the perfect post to follow yesterday’s haiku about how serious my blog has been lately. enjoy!

*** the following post was originally published on July 12th, 2007. ***

After all of the doom and gloom posts of late, what with all the shit that’s been going on here, I thought it was time for some much needed comic relief…and my son Zander was more than happy to oblige.

Allow me to set the scene. It was bath time last night. Carlos had already run the bath, and everything was ready. As usual, we brought both of the boys upstairs into Zander’s room to strip them down for their bath. Zander was stripped down first. Then it was Logan’s turn. That’s when our noses were hit with something so foul…and that foulness was Logan’s diaper.

Carlos: Aw, man! Logan! How can someone so cute smell so bad?

Logan: A ba da….pfpfpfpfpfpfp (I’m not sure how to translate this, but as far as I can tell it means something like “Ha! That’s what you get for feeding me turkey stew for dinner, old man!”)

Carlos: [cough] [weeze] [cough] Maybe we should put a diaper on Zander until Logan is ready for the bath…??? [cough] This might take a while to clean up…..[choke]

Me: He should be okay….Zander…do you have to go pee?

Zander: No!

Me: Are you sure?

Zander: No pee pee….

Me: Do you want to go on the potty?

Zander: Pott’! No no pee pee….

Me: Okay….but tell mommy if you have to pee on the potty.

Carlos: I can hardly breathe…this is so nasty! Yak!

Me: Do you need help?

Carlos: No…I got it…

Me: Good…’cause I didn’t really want to help you anyway! [smirk]

Carlos: Ummm…..honey? What’s that sound?

Me: (I turn around to find the source of said sound) Why that’s your son peeing into the heating vent, dear!

Zander: Pee! Pee! I pee pee!

Me: Yes, Zander…you peed…all over the floor and in the vent…

Zander: I wet!

Me: Yes, Zander…you’re wet…and so is the floor….and the heating ducts….

Carlos: Here’s a receiving blanket…use this….(he throws it over to me)

I start wiping it up….

Zander: (he takes a step back to watch me clean up his mess….and starts to pee again) Pee pee!

Me: (laughing hysterically) Yes, Zander….you’re peeing….

Zander: (nodding in agreement) I PEE!

We all had a good laugh. We needed that…

I am so thankful that there are wood floors in his room, and that a warm bath was waiting for them just a few feet down the hallway!

well, it’s 10:41pm here….i’m sitting on the couch blogging, and hubby is currently de-linting a tennis ball (Logan tends to eat lint whenever he finds it). do we know how to party, or what?

since we became parents, our New Year’s Eve festivities have gotten a bit more low-key. meaning we stay at home and maybe watch a movie or something. we are currently mulling over which movie to watch. the fun never stops.

so, since i don’t have anything interesting to tell you about how hubby and i are spending our New Year’s Eve, i will tell you how the day went with the kids.

Logan had a big day. he has been walking a bit more…finally! he’ll now take a few steps between pieces of furniture…when he sees fit. so that was good. and we finally cut his mullet off. well…the “party in the back” part. he had this weird bit of hair in the back that grew longer than the rest. sometimes it was curly, sometimes straight. sometimes it would just be a big frizz ball. it just couldn’t decide what it wanted to be/do. so i cut it off. i figured Logan should start 2008 with a clean cut.

as for Zander….his newest word is “drunk”. yup…he learned that one from his momma. i’m so very proud.

we had already put Logan to bed, and we were in Zander’s room getting him ready. he was sitting in his “comfy chair” with daddy, so i sat on the floor in front of them. i ducked down so that he couldn’t see me for hubby’s legs, and then popped my head back up, sending Zander into a giggle-fit. i did it again, this time pretending to gnaw on his leg when i popped back up.

Zander: [through his giggles] mmm…tasty!

me: yup! your leg sure is tasty! tastes like….

Zander: pizza!!!

we had pizza for dinner. oh ya…we go all out for New Year’s Eve!

me: [stiffling my laughter] yup! you taste like pizza ’cause that’s what you ate for dinner!

Zander: [offering me his other leg, since i was apparently done the first one] ya! tasty pizza!

me: [gnawing on his other leg] mmm….this one tastes like pizza, too!

Zander then said slurred something that hubby and i couldn’t understand because a) he now had mongo chest-imploding hiccups from laughing so hard and b) he had his bed-time soother in his mouth.

me: i have no idea what you’re saying…what are ya…drunk?

Zander: yup! i drunk!

i look over at hubby, and we both start laughing.

Zander: and mummy i’ drunk!

i lose it.

Zander: and daddy i’ drunk too!

at this point, i’m rolling on the floor, trying hard not to pee my pants.

yes, a fun and festive time was had by all on New Year’s Eve here in the Monkey House. hope the same goes for all of you…only on a more exciting scale!

Happy (and safe) New Year’s! see read you all in 2008!

snack time was a little more stressful than usual today.  and it’s usually fairly stressful already!

the boys are used to having their chairs on wood floors when they are at the dining room table.  so they are able to slide themselves back and forth and side to side.  unfortunately, Logan didn’t know that.

he went to push his chair away from the table, and ended up falling backwards.  not only did he hit his head on the chair backrest and the floor when he fell, but he hit the gate that was in the doorway directly behind him as well.

as he screamed bloody murder, it took both me and my sister-in-law, Chris-Anne, to get the chair upright, since he was so heavy and was struggling so much.  when i finally got him unstrapped from his booster seat and check his head, i felt two large ridges on either side.

i swear to you, it felt like the back of his skull had caved in in the middle, leaving two edges on the sides.  i flipped out, and was ready to take him to the hospital.  seriously…i’m not a first time mother, but this was scary shit.  his head has never felt that way in the back before.

my mom and Chris-Anne got me calmed down, and we put some ice on the back of his head while he screamed and held me in a death grip with his face buried in my chest.  finally, he stopped screaming, but the death grip did not loosen.

a little while later, the ice had helped.  turns out that he has two bumps…well….you can’t even really call them bumps.  bumps calls to mind a rounded lump.  these are almost rectangular…irregular.  he has mountain ranges on his head.  they are bright red, and so sensitive that he can’t even lie down on his pillow without discomfort.

but, at least he’s okay.  he’s clingier than hell, but i’m okay with that.  we just snuggled on the couch most of the day, and all is well now.

i just wonder how long those mountain ranges will stick around.