monkeys and marbles

the downside to being open and honest on your blog

Posted on: October 16, 2007

that downside would be comments of the negative persuasion. and i got my first today.

as my regular readers know, i have taken to calling my youngest son Logan an asshole in order to keep my sanity with all of his antics…it’s just in fun, of course. well, someone left a comment on my Haiku Friday post about the boys saying “That you would ever call your child an asshole is horrible.”

*** before going any further, i would like it to be known that the tone of this post is not angry…i’m not angry. i would just like to state my case…my view point. i have no way of knowing if this comment is legitimate, or if it was left by someone looking to spark a fight…leaving the comment as flame-bait. i have no interest in a flame war, and i have no interest in being part of one. ***

i started blogging for myself, not for anyone else. i blog to retain/regain my identity, and as an attempt to keep what little sanity i have left. when i posted about my diagnosis of Post Partum Depression i received an an amazing amount of support from my fellow mom-bloggers. for the first time since i started blogging, i felt like i could write anything i wanted to, or in this case needed to, and it would be okay. i started this new blog so that i could really vent my feelings without my family reading anything i didn’t want them to read.

in case anyone doesn’t know where i’m coming from, i’ll lay it all out for ya. i’m a SAHM to two high-needs boys 13 months apart in age and under the age of 2.5 years old. Zander, my oldest at 29 months of age, has a severe eating disorder that has caused delays in speech and growth as well as an iron deficiency, and which requires constant monitoring from various specialists not to mention a barrage of tests and daily mealtime battles. My youngest, Logan, is 16 months old. he was born prematurely, has battled with Gastro-Esophageal Reflux Disease all of his 16 months and has required special treatment and attention as well as 3-times-daily medications….this has also led to him expecting the kind of special and all-encompassing attention that he’s grown used to, making his temper and tantrums go far beyond average toddler behaviour. on top of dealing with these two precious-but-high-maintenance little boys everyday, i hardly ever leave the house since i am isolated from friends and family where i live…which has led us to sell our house and buy a new one closer to everyone, adding a few more stresses…and all the while i am struggling with self-image problems as well as suffering from/dealing with/coming to terms with Post Partum Depression.

i apologize if anyone was legitimately offended by this. i have never and would NEVER call him any name to his face, in front of his brother or his friends. it has been purely for much-needed stress relief.

i’m sorry if anyone is still offended, but there’s nothing i can do about that…i’m just trying to cope with all of it and this is the only way i know how.

28 Responses to "the downside to being open and honest on your blog"

I think you’re coping great. And I’m hoping the negative commenter just misunderstood you and thought you were one of those moms who screams bad names at her kids. If not, let’s pity them for being so bloody narrow-minded and judgemental that they must not get much joy out of life. ~Hugs~ I think you’re fab. And I’m amazed at how you cope.

being misunderstood is a sad thing, it sucks. but being called out on your own, personal, blog is another thing entirely. I’ve dealt with that quite a bit. It’s a horrible feeling!

I really believe that people should go out of their way to be supportive, and if they can’t think of anything good to say then they shouldn’t say anything at all. But, just because that’s how I live my life, doesn’t mean others will. Some people think it’s their job to correct others. It’s no one’s place to judge anyone!

You handled it well! Feel proud of yourself, and keep going! It is what it is…and the only thing that matters is your truth.


So the trolls have struck your blog? Don’t let ’em get you down. You’re doing your best, venting in your own way, and your blog is your own personal space. If I were you, I’d delete the nasty comment.

Cate ,

Nevermind what that idiot has to say ! it’s your blog and you may speak the way you want to and not have to worry about what other people have to say about it ๐Ÿ™‚

must be nice to be freakin perfect !


Sounds to me like that comment person has like zero sense of humor.

What a boring life they must have.

And just so you know….

My kids can be assholes too.

But so can parents.

I accept it as part of the ying and yang of parenting.

I am not offended by you refering to your son as an asshole- I KNOW you would not call him that (and I don’t even know you) But the negative commenter was offended and spoke her mind. Doesn’t mean she thinks she’s perfect or has a boring life- she’s just speaking her mind. Isn’t that what we all do here? Maybe not.
In our family, my husband and I are not always careful about our language but we don’t call our kid names (at least to his face!) Everyone, adults and child is allowed to say “big-ass” or “bad-ass” in describing something (but NOT someone!) Yet, no one is allowed to say stupid, dumb or “duh!” because it is disrespectful. Different things offend different people- that is just life. We all need to take a deep breath.

cate, let me add my voice to the chorus of “you go, girl.”

anyone who has spent 5 minutes (or less) with a special needs child or even one that’s just high maintenance and demanding knows that you need an outlet to vent.

your troll needs to get a sense of humor … or possibly walk a mile in your shoes.

as for me, i TOTALLY get it. children can be assholes… and wait till they’re teens. that’s when the transformation to TOTAL asshole is complete ๐Ÿ˜‰

My husband and I call my son eBay often times because we are, at times, this close to selling him to the highest bidder! Moms get it.

Good God girl…You are a champ for all you cope with! I would delete the comment and keep blogging. Life is hard and we all blog to keep our sanity…Keep on truckin’, you rock!

Oh what a humorless poopyhead! Why just the other week I told a friend of mine that my son was being an asshole. ‘Cus he was. I didn’t tell him that, and it doesn’t mean I think he’s an asshole in general, he was just having a *moment*. It was my way of injecting some humor into a situation that was *this* close to sending me to a room with a padded wall. We get it. Please don’t feel the need to explain yourself.

It happens to everyone. I think in this case it’s a good thing. Look at how much the supportive comments outweigh the neggie. I know I fixate sometimes on the One Person who disagrees or is neg and I always have to remind myself to go to the good because there is a lot of good right here in your comment section!!
rock on!

Congrats on your first troll!
Seriously, there is a down side to being honest on your blog, but the support you get is well worth it.

I just had my first troll recently, I’m glad I’m not the only one!

Your troll? Can bite me.

Everyone deals with their children in the way they know best. I call mine a little shit quite often, but not when he’s listening. And I love him more than life.

But I do often tell him he’s a little turd or is acting like a little turd or to stop being a little turd, which my mother finds highly objectionable. But you know what?

She can bite me, too. Everyone can’t like us all the time. And often that is just their loss and our gain.

[…] despite all of that, yesterday was a happy day. i felt the love from everyone about my troll dilemma, and i realized that it’s okay to speak write my mind even if i do get the occasional […]

A troll? You must have finally made it in the blog world! Congrats! Let me know who they are and I’ll gladly send them a sense of humor for their next birthday. How sad it must be to go through life without the ability to take things with a grain of salt and laugh at life’s absurdities.

Behind (again) on blog reading, sorry this YOU!! of all people, my kind, sweet, wonderful mother, friend.

Sweetie, don’t feel that you have to explain anything. If someone doesn’t like what you have to say, they should just avoid your blog in the future. Don’t let it get you down! We all know you love your children! Even if they are assholes sometimes. ;o)

Thanks for commenting on my minivan post. Love your blog. And I also understand the needs of your little ones. My youngest has had reflux since birth (he’s 20 months now and still on prevacid), every stage of eating was a challenge, he had surgery to diagnose malrotation (which he didn’t have after all) and he has a swallow delay. I’m no doctor but I feel like the stresses of a needy child can lead to post partum depression. Hang in there! You’re a great mom!

Bah! You should get the comment policy button from Queen of Shake Shake. People should know that you would not call Logan that in real life, and that as a mother you need to get out your frustrations in another way. Writing that he is an asshole is probably one of the best and most harmless ways!

ACK! Piss of the naysayers! You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. This is your blog. If they have a problem, they can “turn the channel.” You are perfect just the way you are.

Sometimes our kids ARE assholes, and if you can’t say it out loud in your own public forum, then people should clamp their cakeaters and go read elsewhere!

I can never understand drama when I read it on blogs. I mean, people, really? It’s a blog. No one is taping you to a chair, prying your eyes open with toothpicks, and forcing to you to read people’s lives.

Let’s just track ’em down and kick ’em in the shins- ya know, handle it maturely. ๐Ÿ™‚

P.S. Charlotte had GERD for 9 months and though it has had no lasting effects, I feel your pain.

when my daughter was 3…4…5… OMG it is still happening-she had little mood swings that to so many people looked like tantrems. I on the otherhand felt like I was living with the world’s youngest victim of PMS. Commenting to a “friend” on this subject I said she could be such a bitch sometimes. Said friend (who posesses a champion potty mouth herself) was thoroughly offended that I would say this. Not having a blog or any courage at the time (post pardom with my son) I tucked my tail and ran.

On reevaluation of this comment in a better frame of mind I stand by it whole heartedly. This child is defiant and such a daredevil as I have never seen. My son on the other hand is far less defiant and more cuddly than you can imagine.

You’re right-it’s a good thing their so damn cute!

I’m behind, too!

But I would add that I called Little Man, “fucker,” and “little fucker” repeatedly the first few months of his life.

And I totally “got” the asshole comment.

Andi is right, YOU HAVE MADE IT!!! hahahaha

Loves ya!

I think that anyone who criticizes another mother’s methods of coping after reading that she never says these things she thinks to her children is a complete hyprocite and mean. Criticizing any mother for her efforts is deplorable and unacceptable.

Congratulations Cate for just feeling comfortable to write about it – publicly. I’m sorry you had to have any experience with judgment around what I totally thought was hilarious.

very interesting. i’m adding in RSS Reader

I am sure that commenter is perfect and so are their children:) When my oldest gets sick he has no symptoms other than being a jackass and that is now, how I know and my pediatrician knows when he is sick. My youngest, on the other hand, will be a peach and have all the symptoms. My ped knows I love my boy but she also knows we are all human. Maybe that commenter is not?

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October 2007
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