monkeys and marbles

i’m not a bad mother…really i’m not

Posted on: September 20, 2007

i’m not liking myself very much right now.

i yelled at Logan in a way i didn’t like…in a voice i didn’t like. and it scared him.

you have to understand, Logan is…well…he’s an asshole. now, before anyone jumps down my throat, i would like to defend myself. you see, Logan suffers from what i like to call Post-GERD Syndrome, or the even-more-popular Post-GERD Asshole Syndrome (P-GAS for short).

Allow me to school you on P-GAS. When a baby suffers from GERD, he/she requires much more attention than the average infant. In Logan’s case, he had to be held 90% of the day, always in an upright position. feeding had to be done in a specific way. his schedule was very specific due to his different medications. as a GERD baby (or GERDling) continues to grow, he/she becomes used to this attention…demands this attention. Enter the P-GAS era.

So, though Logan’s GERD is under control with all of his meds, he now suffers from a very severe case of P-GAS. That’s right, folks…he’s not just an asshole…he’s a major asshole.

Logan is spoiled beyond belief. granted the first 9 months of his life were not easy for the little guy. but now he believes he is entitled to everything, and if he does not get what he wants, or what he wants is taken away, it is a major affront…an offense of massive proportions. and thus begins the retaliation, which entails screaming, kicking, punching, hitting, screaming, throwing of large objects, pounding of fists into the floor/couch/parent and screaming. did i mention the screaming?

i’m sure that sounds like your average toddler tantrum to you…but it’s not. i know toddler tantrums….i’ve seen many from my oldest son, and many from the kids of friends and family. this doesn’t even compare. i’ve spoken to many parents of GERDlings in my online support group, as well as good friends of ours who have a recovered GERDling of their own. P-GAS is all too common, and very much different from average toddler behaviour. (please note that, in writing this, i am not trying to scare the parents of GERDlings. on the contrary…consider this a warning, so that they may be prepared for the asshole to come…so that they may have the chance to nip the asshole-transformation in the bud…a chance that we never had. with increased awareness, we can stop the tragedy that is P-GAS.)

our current battle involves the couch…which he’s learned to climb…with no thought for his own safety, or the safety of others. he uses the couch as a means to gain access to the large framed painting hanging over said couch, the adjacent bookcase and side table. he has tried to climb the bookcase on multiple occasions. as for the side table…which is the only place we can have the baby monitors, phone, and any snacks or beverages. and his assholeness won’t leave any of it alone! when you say no to him, he smiles at you as if to say “seriously….what are you gonna do about it?” and continues on his merry mission of destruction. ya…the kid’s the mayor of shit-town.

and now we are back to the beginning. i feel shitty. it’s impossible to keep your cool with a P-GASling running around causing havoc. so i lost my temper and yelled at him. and it scared the shit out of him. and i felt guilty. of course he’s forgotten all about it!

little asshole….he’s lucky he’s so cute!

Logan’s cute face

important note:  the first commenter, Carlos…who is in fact my hubby and daddy to the asshole in question, mentioned something called “Angry-Drunk-Complex”.  this refers to the pain-induced frantic flailing that would overtake Logan everytime he ate during the first 6 months of his life…resulting in my daily nose-bleeds, bloody lips and black eyes.  henceforth, he was known as the “angry drunk”.


13 Responses to "i’m not a bad mother…really i’m not"

i agree completely. and all of it would be tolerable if not for the multi-octave-Mariah-challenging-eardrum-screwdriving goodness that is the GERDling scream. to think that the neighbours have not yet called social services is a miracle. we should have seen this coming given his previous diagnosis of Angry-Drunk-Complex. we just weren’t listening (probably because we’re deaf now). WHAT?

Oh boy, I can relate to the toddler getting into EVERYTHING. All my end tables…and everything else within my son’s reach…has to be put up higher or in a room he doesn’t have access too. He can’t just leave things alone. In the last few weeks he’s been getting to things in the middle of the dining table, so I can’t keep anything on there anymore. Argh, so frustrating. I feel a bit of your pain. But his picutre there is sooo cute! 😀

Babe, I’ve done that scream more than once, I’m ashamed to say. And Emma’s a pretty good kid in most respects. Except of course for the repeated attempts to murder her little sister, but that’s a blog post all on its own.

Your -isms are herlarious!
I am awarding you every award I can think of because of the trials and tribulations you’ve had to endure, including your children.
I get the “whatchagonnadoboutitsucka” look from my 21mo all the time. She is fearless and could care less about consequences. Lord help me that I don’t scream and yell more.

Bwahahaha! I don’t envy the situation, but your description is hilarious!

Although I don’t think the spoiling is exclusive to children with GERD.

Don’t be so hard on yourself with the yelling. We all do it, everyone loses their cool probably more often than they’d like to admit.

Oh, and my four year old? Yeah, I still get that “seriously, what are you going to do about it?” look from him. And he was never a Gerdling.

And that little guy in the picture? DARLING!

OMFG, he is SOOOOO cute. I’m afraid Little Man is gonna get P-GAS, too.

Better start neglecting him now or something. Oh wait, isn’t that what my blog is for??? hahaha

[…] ode to Logan note: this might make more sense if you read my post from yesterday… […]

I also had a GERDling, but his symptoms seems to resolve on their own as he approached his first year.
BUT I can relate to the Angry drunk (in more ways than I care to elaborate) LOL!

It’s awful when bad words apply and when ogre voices come out, but life, in all its unretouched glory, can be ugly. Here’s to parents staying in love and doing it together. (I don’t mean *that* “it”, but hey, that helps the bond 😉

[…] the bad: it was my glass of coke that he had taken from the table next to the couch….sound familiar? […]

If you get a chance, check your bookstore or order online a book called “Making the Terrible Two’s Terrific” by John Rosemond. Fabulous book every parent of a toddler should own.

Sam had the flux for a year!!! it was me sam, the spitup and the swiffer! Now he just climbs on couches, chairs and tables constantly and I get really irritated and then feel really badly about it. like he knows any better…
my daughter just sat, was not a daredevil at all! boys are crazy. I can’t go anywhere with this little guy! He won’t sit and he won’t let me hold him. but he sure is cute sleeping right now!

He is just so cute!!!
I have 3 boys and I can totally relate. If there is something out of reach they must climb on anything and everyone to get that something to play with.
I thought as they got older this would deminish and go away. Not with them. They still have this need.
My youngest is my biggest dare devil.
As I type he is climbing on my foot that is crossed over my leg trying to get the phone that sits on top of the pc tower.
I have (in my head) called each one of my boys an asshole at some point or another in their lives.
Its totally normal stuff!!!
I have also yelled at them as well. My Sam has yet to learn that coffee is hot, the stove is hot and the sink is not a place to play. He is 2. I have yelled many times and scared him that this stuff is HOT!!!

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