monkeys and marbles

Archive for September 2007

well folks…he did it again. the monkey called Logan went against my wishes (what a shocker…) and got up on the couch again and took yet another one of my beverages off that damn table…again. before we could stop him, he had fallen backwards onto the couch again…this time the glass hit him in the mouth, and some how he bit a chunk out of his upper lip…and the blood flowed freely…

so he bled and he bled and he screamed and he screamed…and he didn’t learn anything because he was doing it again not 15 minutes later…

tenacious doesn’t even describe him…i think i’m gonna check myself into a nice cozy room at the Royal Ottawa for a nice little vacation. (for those of you who don’t live in my fair city, the Royal Ottawa is the local mental health hospital…so that cozy room i’ll be checking into ….ya, it’ll be padded!)


ever since i saw Sara’s post at Suburban Oblivion, i’ve wanted to do something similar…well, this afternoon the perfect fodder made itself available to me….

the good: Logan finally picked up a cup and tried to drink out of it all by himself…and almost succeeded!

the bad: it was my glass of coke that he had taken from the table next to the couch….sound familiar?

the oh so very ugly: his surprise at being caught made him jump up and laugh (that’s right….laugh!), which caused him to fall backwards onto the couch…with glass of coke still in his chubby little hands. as he fell, the coke splashed out of the glass and all over his face, shirt, pants and the couch. thought it’s easy to change Logan’s clothes, it’s not so easy to clean up coke that has gone into every gap between the non-removable couch seat cushions…thank God the couch is leather! i grabbed the only thing close by…a box of wipes. i wiped as much coke as possible off the couch, ripped Logan’s clothes off and used a wipe to “wash” the stickiness from his hair. as i tried to get all the coke sopped up using the dry parts of Logan’s shirt and pants, the little bugger kept trying to get back on the couch! since the cushions were wet from the butt wipes, he kept slipping off, whcih turned into a giant screaming tantrum. after finally getting the boys down for their nap, i continued my quest to de-goop the couch…alas, i have failed. my comfy pants are sticking to the cushion, and every time i moved, the backrest cushions make this velcro sound because they are sticking to the seat cushions. great!

so here i sit, stuck to my lovely leather couch with a blinding split-my-head-open headache….and i’m all out of coke….

oh….it’s going to be a long day….

i have written two
poems for Haiku Friday
there’s one for each boy

ode to Logan

note: this might make more sense if you read my post from yesterday

Logan, sweet Logan
you are my big baby boy
just fifteen months old

at times you can cause
pain in my posterior
you monkey boy you

and now i know why
you’ve been a bigger asshole
than per usual

when i snuck a peak
i saw molars popping up
in your little mouth

and it’s no wonder
why you’re acting so crazy
the pain must be bad

but no matter what
i say or i do, Logan
please know i love you

always remember
when i call you an asshole
i do it for sanity

always remember
when i call you an asshole
i do it with love

ode to Zander

oh Zander my boy
you’re my oldest monkey boy
at twenty-eight months

you’ve been through so much
over the past eighteen months
you’re such a strong boy

not wanting to eat
you seemed so scared of your food
it didn’t make sense

it was so scary
so slowly wasting away
my skinny Zander

and now it does seem
that we have hit a crossroads
something is changing

you’ve begun to eat
food you’ve never had before
amazing to watch

and so the treatment
and the counseling we’ve had
seems to be working

i finally see
a faint light at the end of
a long long tunnel

Zander, sweet Zander
seeing you begin to thrive
brings tears to my eyes

always remember
no matter how hard it’s been
my love never fails

always remember
no matter how long it takes
i’ll be by your side

 Haiku Friday

i’m not liking myself very much right now.

i yelled at Logan in a way i didn’t like…in a voice i didn’t like. and it scared him.

you have to understand, Logan is…well…he’s an asshole. now, before anyone jumps down my throat, i would like to defend myself. you see, Logan suffers from what i like to call Post-GERD Syndrome, or the even-more-popular Post-GERD Asshole Syndrome (P-GAS for short).

Allow me to school you on P-GAS. When a baby suffers from GERD, he/she requires much more attention than the average infant. In Logan’s case, he had to be held 90% of the day, always in an upright position. feeding had to be done in a specific way. his schedule was very specific due to his different medications. as a GERD baby (or GERDling) continues to grow, he/she becomes used to this attention…demands this attention. Enter the P-GAS era.

So, though Logan’s GERD is under control with all of his meds, he now suffers from a very severe case of P-GAS. That’s right, folks…he’s not just an asshole…he’s a major asshole.

Logan is spoiled beyond belief. granted the first 9 months of his life were not easy for the little guy. but now he believes he is entitled to everything, and if he does not get what he wants, or what he wants is taken away, it is a major affront…an offense of massive proportions. and thus begins the retaliation, which entails screaming, kicking, punching, hitting, screaming, throwing of large objects, pounding of fists into the floor/couch/parent and screaming. did i mention the screaming?

i’m sure that sounds like your average toddler tantrum to you…but it’s not. i know toddler tantrums….i’ve seen many from my oldest son, and many from the kids of friends and family. this doesn’t even compare. i’ve spoken to many parents of GERDlings in my online support group, as well as good friends of ours who have a recovered GERDling of their own. P-GAS is all too common, and very much different from average toddler behaviour. (please note that, in writing this, i am not trying to scare the parents of GERDlings. on the contrary…consider this a warning, so that they may be prepared for the asshole to come…so that they may have the chance to nip the asshole-transformation in the bud…a chance that we never had. with increased awareness, we can stop the tragedy that is P-GAS.)

our current battle involves the couch…which he’s learned to climb…with no thought for his own safety, or the safety of others. he uses the couch as a means to gain access to the large framed painting hanging over said couch, the adjacent bookcase and side table. he has tried to climb the bookcase on multiple occasions. as for the side table…which is the only place we can have the baby monitors, phone, and any snacks or beverages. and his assholeness won’t leave any of it alone! when you say no to him, he smiles at you as if to say “seriously….what are you gonna do about it?” and continues on his merry mission of destruction. ya…the kid’s the mayor of shit-town.

and now we are back to the beginning. i feel shitty. it’s impossible to keep your cool with a P-GASling running around causing havoc. so i lost my temper and yelled at him. and it scared the shit out of him. and i felt guilty. of course he’s forgotten all about it!

little asshole….he’s lucky he’s so cute!

Logan’s cute face

important note:  the first commenter, Carlos…who is in fact my hubby and daddy to the asshole in question, mentioned something called “Angry-Drunk-Complex”.  this refers to the pain-induced frantic flailing that would overtake Logan everytime he ate during the first 6 months of his life…resulting in my daily nose-bleeds, bloody lips and black eyes.  henceforth, he was known as the “angry drunk”.

we went to the Children’s Hospital to meet with Zander’s Occupational Therapist and Psychologist…and it went pretty well.

we brought both boys, since we couldn’t get anyone to watch Logan. we were told to bring their lunches, so that Zander could be observed eating. we made sure to bring his new favourite veggie, corn, to see if he would show them his latest bit of progress.

the adults talked as the boys ate. the OT and Psychologist kept writing notes as they observed. they were impressed with Zander trying corn on his own, and they liked the way he used his knife and fork to eat. they were wowed by Logan, who just shovelled whatever was in front of him into his mouth. it was said that he looks “healthy”…uh…did you mean to say huge???

so…the OT thinks that, with his iron drops starting to help, we are finally on the right path. that’s not to say there isn’t a long, bumpy road ahead of us. but we’re finally heading in the right direction. she is going to be checking in on him to see his progress.

the Psychologist is going to meet with us again in two weeks. Zander is having some anxiety issues that she wants to address, as well as some exaggerated emotional responses. so we are going to meet with her in a big room with a bunch of toys, and talk with her while we watch the boys play together….hmmm…almost sounds like a play-date but without the other kids!

anyway, it’s nice to hear the professionals tell us they see progress. finally.

it was a busy day, so we ended up throwing together something quick for dinner…breaded fish sticks, baked beans, kernel corn and a fresh-baked whole wheat baguette (okay…before you get the idea that i’m some kinda martha stewart nut, it was one of those frozen baguettes that you throw in the oven for 15 minutes…who has time to bake fresh bread???). nothing fancy.

as usual, we put a little of everything on each of the boys’ plates. as usual, Logan had no trouble scarfing down whatever was fed to him. and, as usual, Zander just pushed around the food on his plate, and used some of his many distractionary tactics to buy him some time so that he didn’t have to eat.

and then it happened. Zander picked up a kernel of corn….and he put it in his mouth. Carlos and i froze, knowing from experience that if we said anything…even praise…he would get spooked and spit it out.

we watched eagerly…anxiously…our breaths caught in our throats.

he chewed….then he swallowed…”dat good!” he said with a smile. and he kept going, too…kernel after kernel, he happily ate corn. from his plate…from his daddy’s plate. hubby and i smiled at each other…what an amazing bit of progress. he’s never eaten kernel corn before, only pureed corn.

that’s when it hit me like a slap in the face…the realization that my son…my 2 years, 4 months and 13 day old little boy had never experienced something so simple as eating a kernel of corn.

cue the tears.

but they were tears of joy. this is the biggest improvement in Zander’s eating disorder that we’ve seen since starting both his therapy and his iron drops.

so here i sit…it’s the end of the day…and instead feeling helpless, hopeless and dejected like i usually do, my spirits are high…even if just for tonight. ’cause tonight, my boy done ate him some corn!